Woke up this morning with stomach cramps at about 6. Took about half hour to subside then I dozed off back to sleep again seeing as I didn’t have the kids. I get them back tonight. Got up about 7.30 so that I could say hi to them before they wemt to school.
Found out something yesterday. You can plug your iPod into a XBOX 360 and play your music from there. I never knew that. My neighbour has an iPod touch and his one won’t do it. Something to do with the software needed to run it not being compatible. I have a 4th generation Nano, so mine works fine. Going to try my phone in a bit, see if that works on it. Yes it does work. Can view pictures, videos and listen to music from my Sony Ericsson K770i. Now what about a USB stick? Yep, that works too. Interesting. Useless though.
My daughter has her school prom tonight. She has her dress for it and it looks well nice. Then tomorrow she has her leaver’s assembly in the morning. My son has his last day tomorrow and my daughter has hers on Monday – but that’s a non uniform day. She’s a little peeved that her brother finishes before she does.
Horoscope:
You are in touch with a higher form of intelligence today and although it may be your own, it also could be from another dimension. If you believe in angels or spirit guides, then remain open to further instruction from them. If you do not, then at least trust your intuition now. Don’t try to rationalize what you seem to know; just act on it.
Maybe I can get help from them then. I sure as hell need it. A friend of mine told me how to speak to my angel, so I’m going to try that later, see what he says.
Today’s horoscope: 
You can appear like the strong, silent type, so others might not even realize how lost you are today. Your thoughts keep running around in circles, preventing you from reaching any sensible conclusions about what’s happening. Rather than admitting your confusion, you think it’s best to keep your insecurities to yourself. You are correct in believing that everyone doesn’t need to know your business, but sharing your fears with a trusted friend can help you feel much better.
I had written quite a long blog. but decided to delete it all and just leave my horoscope instead.
Had my first counselling session today. As I expected it was quite hard. Talking about the last 12 months and the hell I’ve been through and the hell I have put my friends through. Found it very difficult to talk in a few places because of how I have upset some people. I have just been a self-destructive power ball rolling down a hill sparking in all directions and damaging people on the way. Not one of the best analogies, I know, but it kind of says how I have been. Not intentionally, but that makes no difference – ignorance is no excuse. I have not given the full story of last week, but I shouldn’t have to explain myself. What I did was wrong – hypocritical and wrong. No way around it. I just hope that all of my friends can forgive me at some point.
Something else that is odd, is my horoscope for today on google. Really weird.
Your friends may not be overly affectionate now, but you know that they will support you and your current plans. You aren’t likely looking for comfort from them today; you want action. Currently, your companions would much rather do something than just talk about it, and this suits you fine. There have been enough words. The time to move forward has arrived.
Not that I believe in the horoscopes, it’s just fitting for these last days.
EDIT: 18.40 I’ve re-read that horoscope and it isn’t saying what I thought it was at all. bah. That’s me though. Don’t see what I’m supposed to see.
I have deactivated my FaceBook account, deleted my MySpace and deleted my BeBo accounts. Whether I go back to FaceBook or not, I don’t know. I have created problems for my friends whch is something that I never ever intended to do. I am upset that I have hurt these people, and I hope that they can forgive me. I know they are going to back off from me for a while which is completely understandable. I have got counselling on Tuesday which I am hoping is going to help me. I am someone I always promised myself I woukld never be. As a result, I will probably never be able to go and visit a couple of my friends again, and that hurts like hell. They have been nothing but good to me, and I end up hurting them. 
One of my problems (so I have been told) is that after my wife left me, I started down a self-destructive path. Unfortunately other people have got caught in the wake which makes me feel really bad. Because it’s not just the other person, but it’s also the family and friends of that person who get caught up as well. I never meant for any of this to happen. I always thought that I was a nice person, and I have to get that person back. Until then, I am going to keep my distance for a long while.
I have decided to give up my social networking sites. Facebook, MySpace and Bebo. They have got me into more trouble than I cared to create. I have ended up hurting myself and other people as well as getting hurt myself. So the easiest way for myself and everyone else is to walk away. This will probably go as well, as there is only one person who reads this besides myself, and comments are rare. So this is basically a goodbye post
Everything happens for a reason. Some things may seem like the reason for something else happening, where in fact these are just another stepping stone to take you to where you need to be. But where you need to be sometimes takes you by surprise. What may bring you happiness may not even be where it is that you will end up. But sometimes you have to go through moments of intense pain to get to that place of absolute bliss.
Just because you get married, does not mean that that is the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with. It may be that you are destined to spend the rest of your life alone, but if that is where you are destined to be, then who are we to complain or judge it.
Some people will look at you and say that they have fallen for you, where in fact they are just looking to grasp hold of something that they need in order to boost their own life. Most of the time they don’t even realise that they are doing it, and aren’t even aware of it until way after who they have fallen for has moved on or moved out.
It is sometimes difficult to tell the difference between when you have truly fallen in love with someone and when you just what to grasp onto them. We are all guilty of it at some point in our life. But for some people when you grasp hold of someone you end up falling in love with them anyway. But how do you know the difference? I for one can’t tell you. How many people have given up on their whole life for something only to find that it is wrong – at that point. Of course they have to go through that point to get to that point of absolute bliss.
Just remember – when you are feeling down – someone else is thinking of you. Someone will be thinking about how much you mean to them. And will be thinking that you changed their life for the better.
With everything that has gone on in the last nine months, I have no idea how I have survived or how I’m supposed to survive. March was a pretty empty month for me. I stayed in most of the time. Just went to visit Lola a few times. I got Guitar Hero Aerosmith which was a bonus. But after I told my brother he went out and brought it too. A couple of weeks later, I brought Legends of Rock – Solus (the game on it’s own – no guitar). After mentioning it to my brother, he went out and brought it. So I played on that a lot. Then in April I took my son to visit my friends in Leicester which he thoroughly enjoyed. He wants to go back which I will do at some point. I’m hoping to take them both in the summer holidays.
We are in May now and I thought my life couldn’t get any worse. But apparently when you’re down there is always someone who comes along and kicks you in the teeth. There is something going on at the moment which I can’t go into detail about, but my brother is the cause of it. Well – I say my brother – I wouldn’t class him as that Not anymore. As far as I am concerned he can fuck off and die. If he was to die tomorrow I would only go to the funeral to spit on his grave.
I appear to have distanced myself too far from my friends and most of them don’t want to know me anymore. But I can see why. I spend most of my time moaning so they don’t want to know me. Best thing for me to do is to keep quiet. Will be better all round then.
After my wife left me, I had a serious issue with trust, but over the last couple of months, I felt that I should not tar everyone with the same brush. So I allowed some people in and started trusting them. That was a huge mistake. I confided in 3 people. One of them decided to spread it around. Then another one promised that a door was locked in an online game so that we could talk privately. And someone came walking walking in so I just dropped out by closing the browser before looking to see who it was. Trusting people is not a good idea.
I am going back to Leicester on Tuesday. I need to be repaired. I need to be strong for my kids, but I don’t know if I have the strength anymore. The one person who gave me the strength I need have their own issues now, and I can’t keep calling on them for help. I’ve probably already outstayed my emotional welcome and they need to get on with their own life. I can’t keep relying on other people, I’ll end up bringing them down as well, and I don’t want to do that. Everybody has their own problems they don’t need mine as well. Time I got on with things on my own I think.
A tremor hit Folkestone again today. It was the second one in just under two years. The first was at 08:18 on 28th April 2007 and measured 4.3 on the richter scale. This one was at 14:35 on 3rd March 2009 and measured at 2.8 on the richter scale. This second is classed as a tremor and the country suffers tremors all the time, although not normally this powerful. It did knock a couple of fragments out of my bedroom ceiling, but they are tiny ones.
If we have a second one, I have no idea how the house will hold up to it.
It has been a bloody long time since I posted my last blog. And a lot has happened since then. There has been a lot of ups and downs, bit that is only to be expected. I am going to give a brief rundown of what has happened.
JANUARY
Met Dave for the first time. The kids like him which is good. I would hate to think of them going to visit with someone that they didn’t like. Spent New Years Day with my brother. My daughter had her final performance of Dick Whittington, which Talishia and Dave went to see. Unfortunately, my parents were unable to make it. Talishia’s parents didn’t go either, but there again, they wouldn’t.
The new Doctor on Dr Who was revealed as Matt Smith who has previously worked with Billy Piper in Secret Diary of a Call Girl. I started the ball rolling on the divorce proceedings so that me and Talishia can go our seperate ways.
I have had feelings for someone for sometime, but unfortunately in January I did some silly things that put paid to that. I’m not going into details, but everything happens for a reason, and after a couple of weeks that reason became clear. We have remained friends – good friends.
I started reading the first Twilight book by Stephanie Meyer, and din’t manage to finish it by the time I went to the cinema to see it. I went with a friend who wanted to see it again anyway. The book is far better than the film although the film is good. I think the woman who plays Alice Cullen (Ashley Greene) is well tasty. 
I let my daughter go out for the day with a friend of hers – just the two of them. Made me very nervous, but I have to do it sometime. My sister had to have her cat put to sleep as she had tumours and they were killing her anyway. She was heartbroken – understandably.
Had a tattoo done of a phoenix on my right upper arm. Looks fantastic. Even better now that it has fully healed. One point I wasn’t looking at the cream when I got it to put on my tattoo and put the wrong one on. That stung! It felt like my arm was on fire. Decided that I would move that cream so I didn’t do it again. LOL
Went to visit friends in Leicester and had a good time there. Meeting people face to face is always good – however it is nerve wracking when you first do. Met the kids of one of my friends, and she invited me to stay over at theirs on the last night I was in Leicester. Watched an episode of the new Knight Rider – awesome. As a result I have now started watching the new series. I watch it in the evenings with the kids now. Downloading the episodes.
February
February was not that much of a month. I didn’t really do that much of interest. The main thing I did was to go to Leicester again, this time I took my daughter with me. She loved meeting my friends and the kids. She said that they made her feel welcome straight away which is very good considering how shy she can be. We stayed in a different Bed and Breakfast this time to when I went last time. And it was cheaper. Rather than being £135 for just me, it was £120 for the two of us. We went to the Delux Cinema at the Highcross shopping centre to see Bolt in 3D. Excellent film, and fantastic cinema.
I had another tattoo done. This time it is like a furling banner with the names of my kids on. And following the advice of one of my Leicester friends, I used vaseline on it to heal. LOL. Made it heal a lot quicker as well.
Made pancakes on Shrove Tuesday – well, attempted to. Hehe. Ended up flipping them with a spatula as trying to toss them didn’t work. On the same day, my daughter got her new glasses and they are fantastic.
We are in March now, let’s see what the future holds for us.
1 day left in what I can only describe as the worst year of my life. Although there were some very good points to the year, there was a major destructive part that nearly saw my kids fatherless. But that’s not likely to happen now. I am hoping that 2009 is far better than 2008. The end of the year is fantastic.
Yes I lost my wife, but I have a new woman in my life now. I think my wife leaving me was the best thing she could have done for me, but them reasons I am not willing to discuss as they are for me and my counsellor only. The main problem I have with my new lady is the distance. There is 137 miles between me and her. There are some people who have said to me that the relationship is dead in the water because of the distance. Jealousy comes in all guises and I am not willing to give up just because there is a distance.
2009 is going to see at least 2 major changes in my life and the life of my family. The first is that my daughter will be moving from primary school to secondary school. That’s big and scary in itself, but that will be tied in with the other major change that will be taking place. This is being kept under wraps and there are only 2 or 3 people who know what this is. In the meantime ….
HAPPY NEW YEAR .. it’s got to be better than the last one
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