It has often been said that Life Begins at 40. It is one of the most used quotes for people as they either reach their thirties or are in their thirties. I was always looking forward to it, but I have now realised that just because your life has begun again, that doesn’t mean it’s necessarily the way you wanted it to go.
I turned 40 in 2007, and some things have come to light just recently that cut so deep it shattered whatever I had left inside. When I was married, we were in dire straits. For Christmas one year, we managed to spend £5 on each of our kids for presents, and borrowed money so that we could have a Christmas dinner. But we went with a debt agency who helped us to sort our debts out and even got rid of a couple of them completely. The following year was tight as well, but the year after that was great. By the time 2007 came, we were almost sorted. I had my 40th birthday – which was fantastic. I had a surprise party done for me. Although I’m not silly, I still haven’t told her that I knew what she was doing. She was too eager to get me out of the house overnight. I was very surprised at who was there though. That was in June. In August, we got the house where I am now, in my ex-wife said it was the best move we could have made. In November she was so happy that I was going to see Within Temptation with her at the Carling Academy in Brixton. Even the day before and that morning she was all excited about how much she loved the fact that I was going to a gig with her – to see one of my favourite bands. Then of course the following year we split more through my fault than hers.
Then a couple of weeks ago, I was told that the night before we went to Brixton and the night after, she had been crying in the bedroom listening to My Immortal and how much she no longer felt anything for me. Going to see them with her was one of the highlights of my married life, it meant the world to me – going to see them with her. Even after we split, I looked back and said “it wasn’t all bad – we had within temptation”. But it seems that was all just a lie. So now, I can’t bear to listen to any Within Temptation at all. It hurts and and it angers me at the same time. I suppose I do deserve it after a fashion for what I put her through. I am selling my WT albums on ebay at the moment as I want rid of them and I threw out my t-shirt. I have also asked my kids not to listen to any of it in the house – although I have not told them why. They both took the music off their phones and their x-boxes but asked to leave it on their MP3 players which I said yes to.
So if someone says life begins at 40 – tell them you are happy with the one you have.
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September 12, 2009 at 14:21
thats probably one of ur saddest posts……bless ya x
September 12, 2009 at 20:46
It’s something that I haven’t been able to shift out of my mind for a couple of weeks now
September 13, 2009 at 13:43
Even though that is sad it also sounds like you have made the first steps to moving on.xx
September 13, 2009 at 13:47
feels more like I’ve gone backwards.